Oh I’m so guilty of this one. Because of the environment that I grew up in (moving to a new country), I became accustomed to serving people. Everything I did daily was centered around someone else’s need. I grew up seeing my parents work very hard, which made me feel like I needed to get involved and take on some of the work. Consequently, I began taking ownership of pretty big tasks at a very young age. And boy did I learn a ton from those experiences. I can tell you that the positive outcome was 1) learning responsibility at a young age which helped me grow up pretty quickly, and 2) I developed an immense love for helping others and seeing people happy. I mean, that’s why I started She Became Fearless; because I want to help, inspire, and empower women to tackle life fearlessly. However, as fun as it is helping others, it is just as important to also care for ourselves.
Putting everyone else’s needs before mine has led me to a few pretty harsh burnouts. When we put all of our focus into daily responsibilities and other people’s wants, we tend to ignore our own needs. The more we do it, the more it piles up; the more we will be end up burning out. And what I learned from those ‘burn-out’ instances is that we HAVE to dedicate energy into balancing the scale. We have to listen to our mind and body, recognize if we need to press the pause button, and focus on ourselves. Although there are still times when I forget this myself, I know how important this is for my well-being. I believe that in order to be successful we have to learn how to take care of ourselves too, and to listen to our bodies. If you finished reading my free e-Book: 13 Steps To Becoming Fearless, you know that it’s an important step towards becoming fearless.
That said, if you are unable to put yourself first sometimes for some reason, at least don’t put yourself last. And how can we do that? Here are things that you should start doing for yourself.
1. Start spending time with the right people. We all have people in our lives who are either pleasant or dreadful to be around. I’ve tried to minimize the time I spend around people who I constantly found myself being dragged down by. Our time is so precious. Every minute we live is literally the last time we’ll ever live that moment. I used to spend so much time trying to please others. I also spent a ton of effort into some relationships that will forever be negative (no matter how many things I tried). I came into the realization that there are some people you just cannot change. If you cannot remove them from your life then just minimize the time you spend with them and allocate the additional time into spending it with people who uplift you.
Surround yourself with people that bring joy and laughter into your life. Those who challenge you to be the best version of yourself. Not those who constantly complain, get jealous, or are constantly playing victim. Although this is a harsh realization, you have to start putting yourself first. Otherwise, you’ll always be put down or held back by them. Stop giving energy or time to people that don’t respect you.
2. Start being yourself proudly. Have you ever had someone make a bad comment about you behind your back but you actually knew about their constant badmouthing? I’ve had that happen, but the worst part is that it has happened with people who are very close to me (but they didn’t or don’t know that I’m aware). That is exactly why you should dump that negativity from your life and surround yourself with the right people. You should never be ashamed of being yourself, EVER. As long as your not disrespecting or hurting someone, don’t ever hold back your authenticity. You want to be loud AF? Then be loud AF. You want to sing while you walk in the mall, then sing while you walk in the mall. Do you want to dance to a song and sign your lungs out in the car? Then do it. For those of you who don’t know me very well, I am a very loud/crazy/energetic person. I LOVE to live every minute freely, without worrying about toning it down. Although I’ve had certain people try to dim it, I stopped trying to please everyone around me. I’ve distanced myself from those who dim my authenticity and I’ve surrounded myself with people that only accept me as I am. You have to unapologetically be yourself.
Embrace your individuality. Everyone has is different and has their own way of doing things. Be the person you know yourself to be, in your own terms. Last time I checked, as long as you aren’t hurting people, you don’t need anyone’s approval to live how you want to.
3. Create a vision for your life. There a big difference between having goals versus having a vision. Having goals are things you want to accomplish for yourself. Having a vision is WHY you want to accomplish those goals for yourself. If we don’t find our WHY, what will drive us during tough times to complete those goals. Our why is what will keep us moving and pushing ourselves towards achieving our goals. If we don’t wake up with a purpose other than wanting to make money, we will live one heck of an unfulfilled life. We must create a vision for our lives by identifying our passions and purpose. We have to envision what kind of life we want to create for ourselves. Do not just wake up and go through the motions robotically and tastelessly.
That’s why creating a vision for yourself is so important. Speak less and say/do more. Ask yourself the right questions, such as:
What do you want to get out of life?
When you look back in a few years, what do you want to see?
What are your values and view of your future?
Let me know if you want me to write a post on how to create a life vision because there’s a ton to discuss about this topic. But for now, start asking yourself the right questions frequently. And I say frequently because your vision can change over time.
Make sure that you download your FREE 6 Things You Should Start Doing For Yourself Today Workbook! It will help you follow along with what you’re learning on this post as well as map out your thoughts. If you’re already subscribed to She Became Fearless, the workbook is located in the She Became Fearless Library of FREE resources. If you’re not subscribed, sign up below and you’ll receive immediate access!
4. Take your brain off autopilot. How many of you have had a day when you drive yourself to work but do not know how you got there? You don’t remember taking any of the turns because you zoned out into your thought patterns but your brain took you where you needed to go? That happens because we live our lives in autopilot. Most of us literally live our entire life inside of a box. I mean think about it. We live in a box home. We wake up, eat cereal from a box, we get into our box car that takes us into our box jobs, then we come home and turn on a box of entertainment (tv), and go back to sleep to do it all over again the next day.
We must take our brain off autopilot. Take every moment given as a gift and bring awareness to every decision we make daily. Appreciate the world for the beauty it holds. Stop to smell the flowers, literally. Stop at a park and look at the flowers. SIMPLIFY your life by getting rid of all the things that overwhelm you. Perhaps too much television or worrying about social media scrolling isn’t serving us the highest good. Live life consciously.
5. Start loving yourself. Pay close attention to your energy field and what happens to it when you’re around certain people. Here is a great quote I came across: “pay attention to whom your energy increases and decreases around because that’s the universe giving you a hint of who you should embrace or stray from.” ~ Unknown. Take the time to care for yourself. If you cannot control a certain situation, do not spend your time worrying about it. What good is that going to do? Be extremely picky about what you let in. Take full accountability of where you are in life right now. If you aren’t satisfied with it, take steps to change it. Take the necessary steps to improve it, rather than complain about it. Be proactive.
Another way to love yourself is to start loving and appreciating things you already have. Many of us believe that happiness can only be achieved when A, B or C happen. But what most of us don’t know is that when A, B or C end up happening, then we create another destination that defines our happiness. A new set of things that we need in order to achieve happiness. This leads me to the last point I wanted to make:
6. Start creating your own happiness. You must take accountability of your life and create your own happiness. I always thought that my happiness can only be achieved if I accomplished A, B or C. It wasn’t until recently that I learned that happiness is a state of mind and we must CHOOSE to be happy. Take notice of those small moments that we oftentimes oversee, which end up being big moments for us. Instead of waiting to win the lottery to be happy, take pleasure on the small things we do daily that can bring us that state of mind. It could be things like the smell of a homemade meal, sipping on a yummy cup of tea, sharing a joyful moment with someone you love, feeling the fresh air brushing through your hair, and so much more.
If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you’ll never get there. Joyfulness is oftentimes found when we decide to seek, receive, and accept it. Let positivity inspire you. Do not be the person who is constantly looking for something else to complete their happiness. This is a powerful lesson that I learned by starting my mindfulness journey. It has truly changed the way I perceive things daily.
Do you have any other suggestions on things to start doing for yourself that we can add to this list?
I think you’ll also enjoy reading: 6 Tips to Living a Fulfilled Life (free workbook included!)
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One more thing! Remember… go out there and be Fearless! No matter what you set your mind to, YOU CAN DO IT! Did you download my free e-book yet? I know that you’ll love it!